"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
