Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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