So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
