id be glad to
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
