Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
