I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
