dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
