I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
