I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
