did you get engaged???
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
