Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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