What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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