Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
