oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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