i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
