Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
