I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
