yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
