You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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