just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
