If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
