We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We're facebook friends in real life
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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