I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
