That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
