Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
