there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
