I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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