I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
