i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
