I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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