people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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