Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think your dad took our porno
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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