Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am one with the molecules
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
