fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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