Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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