All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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