Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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