please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Every concussion has its silver lining
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
