I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
