u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
