While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
