I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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