I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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