I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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