Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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