I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
