i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Send help, water and tortillas.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize