why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
