Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
