Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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