I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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