i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize