he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
