Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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