Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
