I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
