elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
