Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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