Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drake has all the answers
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
