don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
