She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
