do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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