This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
