No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
