we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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