I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
