We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
