Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
