i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
