im about as happy as oj after his trial
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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