It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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